Take this waltz

the concert was held outside.. not a great weather, but the sun could still shine through all the clouds running in the sky..
and you see a band on stage..starting to play..and i was wondering.. is this a supporting act now? and then, all of a sudden i start to recognize the melody..and he comes on stage singing dance me to the end of love..
with his nice striped black suit and a hat.. 10 people on stage..the three sublime (his words, not mine) back vocals, the piano, a drum, a guitar, a bass, one guy playing several blowing instruments (saxophone, clarinet, the instrument of wind, harmonica, etc etc), an old gipsy looking man playing some kind of bandurria, and laud, and some others and of course mr.Cohen.

and as soon as he finishes he starts thanking the audience..and goes into "repent".. and if i just thought this was a brilliant moment, he decided to let me hanging "like a bird".. soon stating that "everybody knows" and pushing himself "in my secret life"..
and it just kept on going on, and on..and i was feeling completely overwhelmed by it all.. i truly wished for a moment for him to stop..to let me take a deep breath so i was able to go on..and he started asking "who by fire" and arguing with his own soul that "that's no way to say goodbye"..

and so many times he introduced the band, always coming up with wonderful expressions to address them, to flatter them..and once he bowed to javier mas, the man in the bandurria..and once he stared in grace to sharon robinson (which I did not know made some lyrics with him a while ago!).. and he begged for her and the other two ladies not to stop singing ever, while taking his hat off.. so many times he showed himself a true heart-felt gentleman..appreciating every moment he had, he gave us..and still thankful..

at this moment he had a break and I could run a bit closer to the stage..somehow feeling thrilled by being on my own watching this amazing man but at the same time wishing to have someone to share it with..and by coincidence i got stuck in the middle of a group of women, all around their 45/50 years, having to answer several questions, such as what are you doing here, and where you come from, and why are you in this concert since you're so young and etc including the comparisons with their daughters and so on..a very sweet group of ladies, for sure..

it took him a while to come back and some of the people were wondering if he was good..and able to go on..

and then the bell rung (ring the bell) and the "tower of song" came along..and we all went down with "suzanne" and her amazing hands and doings..and all of a sudden he was asking for his gypsy wife, wondering if she was wandering on "boogie street".. some rain started falling down, but it did not dissuade the people from cheering and enjoying and soon after was gone..

and by this time i was very cheerful..doing my small happy dance, and then he hit me..he hit me really hard with his cold and broken hallelujah.. and all i could do was sing along and let the tears in my face run through my cheeks.. and one of the ladies started worrying about me, wanting to give me water, and me not able to speak but trying to make her feel good.. it was a true moment of joy.. but also of some kind of deep lost longing and my own struggle to always keep hope alive..

and in the end he was thanking.. taking his hat off to the crowd..
and all i could think was that i was the one to be thankful..i was the one who should be taking my hat off and bowing at him..for creating such a blissful moment..

by this time i was truly exhausted..my body all shaky, my voice completely lost, my hands in a mess of not knowing what to do, my eyes blurred..oh..just a moment..just a moment to get back on track..

and he decided that "democracy" was coming.. and he took off his masks and presented himself as her man, as anyones man and took a waltz..

the sun was coming down, just on the back of the stage..the sky was blue, yellow and orange..the clouds kept on running around but they did not take the best.. the sun was shining so beautiful..

by the end of the waltz he thanked the audience..and he waltzed out of the stage, with small articulated jumps (making everyone hold their breath for just a few seconds..careful, you're not that young anymore..or are you???)..
the audience went crazy..the sound of the claps was perforating my ears but it took him short to come back and continue..so long marianne, first we take manhattan, sisters of mercy (and by this time was one of the nice ladies who was bursting out in tears, a sad mourning for someone lost), if it be your will (which he recited and let the two young girls on the back vocals sing while playing the harp)..
and he sang closing time..and of course everyone thought "this is it! its closing time and we should let him rest"..once again he went off the stage, jumping..small childish happy jumps with his hat in his hands..and the clapping was again loud, the screaming of the fans, the cheering..

this is it..i could already hear the whispers and the comments of the fabulastic concert..

and all of a sudden he jumped back on stage..he came and he said "i tried to leave you"..and he sang it all..with his always characteristic and not damaged by age voice..and he gathered all the band in the front..and there was still energy on his side to make a small a capela with everyone from the band..just saying he would go but that he enjoyed it..


what else? i was drained..all the energy of my body just completely lost..all of my being just fulfilled by so kind of mindful mindless state where there is no more space for anything..

and the rain came..yes, the rain came..not even 5 minutes after it was finished..the rain and the night came..

and my mind and heart just went on with him that night..lingering on his words.. his truth (yes, he revealed his own truth to us that night (a sweet long lalalalalala from the ladies that sang with him) and his heart and spirit..

por vezes as pessoas esquecem-se que as mensagens (verbais, escritas, olhadas, etc) são relacionais e como relacionais que são costumam implicar mais que um.
por vezes os nossos apetites tornam-se condicionantes dos apetites de outros.. porque um "apetece-me" ou "apeteceu" têm força suficiente para abrir portas que por vezes e de facto não queremos abertas, e não são mais que a impulsividade dos nossos apetites.
por vezes quando deixamos portas abertas perdemos a capacidade de as fechar, ou de saber como.
por vezes as pessoas têm muralhas tão grandes ou pequenas que um pequeno vislumbre de hipótese lhes dá um ânimo que não deveria existir. porque as pessoas sabem e racionalmente entendem que o síndrome da indisponibilidade não é uma fantasia ou versão de aleatoriedade aversa que se fecha à realidade. é sim um conhecer intrínseco de pessoas e situações ou circunstâncias que tornam a indisponibilidade real. e por vezes a tornam pesada e massiça.
por vezes metemos os pés pelas mãos e fazemos sem ponderar.
e acabamos pelos entretantos a cortar, a negar, a desdizer e a manter a intenção de um não sei bem quê num correr de acção que não se integra.
por vezes acabamos confrontados com quereres e desejos que não queremos ou desejamos.
por vezes acabamos a lutar contra a massa de gente e vidas que nos diz: tem cuidado, não dês saltos maiores que as pernas.
e muitas dessas vezes acabamos a dormir sozinhos.
enquanto outros se deitam em camas doces e quentes de companhia.

revisitas

entendi o que são almas gémeas..
apercebi-me do número que destas pode existir..
descobri a impossibilidade de as conjugar pela força dos sentimentos..

i found my soul mate..
then i discovered another one
felt my heart would break

porque hoje não me apetecia a carga de trabalhos que me espera, fui reler.. e opah, onde andava a minha mente nesta altura? hehehe, e a quem estaria eu a referir-me???
devaneios, devaneios

purple

the rain was sad and long
the hours bigger than our lives